Ruth’s Story 2

For the first installment, see here.


CINDY’S BIRTH

It was a beautiful day! Days were turning a little nippy in Nebraska but it was lovely in that small church where Roger Dale Regier and Ruth Buller were married on September 28, 1956 in Friend, Nebraska. We lived in Hillsboro, Kansas after our marriage where Roger went to Tabor College for his second year and I worked as a waitress at the Wagon Wheel restaurant on the edge of town. Our first apartment was three rooms and a bathroom in an upstairs apartment. There was a faucet in the wall which became the kitchen sink when a dishpan was placed on the kitchen table underneath it. Our first kitchen cupboards consisted of a four door hutch with curtains on the top half. A chest of drawers along with two chairs in the room right next to the kitchen served as our living room. Love made up for the lack of any soft living arrangements.

A move to Topeka, Kansas was made the next year where Roger served in 1-W work as an aide at Menninger’s Psychiatric Hospital [NOTE: conscientious objectors who were drafted worked in other government positions for two years rather than as soldiers]. He later worked for the State. I worked at various jobs which eventually led to an accounting job at the large Southwestern Bell Telephone Co. We had many friends and one of our biggest accomplishments was to be amongst the charter members of a Mennonite Brethren Church in Topeka. [NOTE: see here for more about this church] We also became involved with a children’s club for kids in Northern Topeka. They had been flooded a few years previously and Mennonite Disaster Service had come in to help rebuild. A club for these children was a wonderful activity that we helped to carry on until we left.

After several years Roger finished the commitment he had to his 1-W work. The time seemed right to make a change and when Jack Enns (a relative of his mother) from Reedley, California called to offer Roger a job as a mechanic—something that he enjoyed very much—it seemed the time to make a move to the place of his dreams.

Roger had worked at Enns Pontiac for several years when he had the opportunity to work at a larger Pontiac dealer in Fresno. We were living in a small two bedroom house on Friesen street and he enjoyed driving his motorcycle to work. The motorcycle had been a favorite activity of both Roger and I, first in trips from Kansas to Nebraska and then in trips to the General Grant mountains together. He had over the years not only rebuilt several motorcycles, but he had also done many total overhauls on cars including body work. He had started a body and repair shop for cars in one of our Topeka houses with a huge garage at the back together with Roger Reimer, a 1-W friend at the Menninger hospital. His biggest accomplishment which never got any more recognition than his own satisfaction was three carburetors he welded together for stronger horsepower! He subsequently was to learn that this was a patented accomplishment later by someone else.

Roger and I were excited when after almost five years of marriage, we were scheduled to have our first baby. I spent many of those evenings outside talking and planning with him because the kitchen with the smells of supper were too much for me to stomach! Roger had his Fresno mechanical job and I was working as a bookkeeper at Mathis and Bolinger Furniture store. It was a brisk fall morning and Roger mentioned it would probably be his last trip to Fresno on the motorcycle. I remember running outside to tell him one last thing but he was too far gone to hear and I said, “Guess I won’t tell him that anymore!”

I thought nothing more of that but went to work myself. Then about midmorning I was called by my pastor, Dan Friesen, who asked to take me away to share some news. He took me to his office in the church and he had the difficulty of telling me that his daughter, Marilyn Wall, had seen my husband in an accident on her way to work. I remember thinking he must be hurt pretty bad for him to take me to the office and then he told me that I would never be able to talk to him again! Although the news hit very hard, I can remember that even then I already felt the arms of Jesus around me through the arms of Pastor Friesen.

Roger and I had not been that close to the Lord at this time in our life—in the past he had been my mentor as he had drawn very close to the Lord in the home of a mother who helped him work through a very difficult childhood. Roger and I had just been talking that we needed to take our faith in the Lord deeper than we were at the present time!

Family and friends overwhelmed me with their love. So many things were done for me by friends I hardly knew. One friend I remember in particular is Bonnie Boldt. We had previously worked together at the bank and as couples we became best friends. She took over making arrangements for the funeral, planning for out-of-town guests, etc. I shall always remember her loving service and the many fun times we enjoyed together. What a special friend she was to me—and she still is even though many miles away! More food came in than I could use but what a boon when many of my family from Nebraska and Minnesota came to be with me during this loss. I can still remember thinking I would share some news with Roger, when the realization that I would never be able to tell him anything again really hit me; the shock that accompanies death had wore off! As I realized that I would not see him in this life ever again, the Lord assured me that He cared and He was there in an even nearer sense.

I continued working at my bookkeeping job but made arrangements to quit at the birth of our child so I could spend time with her. The baby was scheduled to come on February 23, 1962, only five days before the twenty-fifth anniversary of Roger’s parents, John and Hannah Regier and what would have been the twenty-fourth birthday of Roger who was born on their first anniversary. Although conditions were right, it was not to be! I went to the hospital on the 28th and they started an IV to start the labor but the labor wouldn’t start. I came home a very discouraged young mother and had to wait until March 8, 1962 before Cynthia Dale Regier arrived weighing 7 lbs. 9 oz.

The labor was not hard and the delivery was very smooth. Grandma and Grandpa Regier had come all the way to California to be there for the birth of their first grandchild and the doctor went out to tell him that it was a baby girl! Although I requested to see the baby, I was told they would clean Cindy up and I should go to sleep for awhile and they would bring her to me after I had rested. This was in the wee hours of the morning. My next recollection is waking up and being aware that something terrible was happening—not sure what it was so I rang the buzzer for the nurse. I had been hemorrhaging and had lost an enormous amount of blood. Although the events are not clear in my head, I will attempt to give the tidbits as they come to mind. Scraping and a DNC could not stop the bleeding. My father in Nebraska was called and it was discovered that when I had had surgery as an early teenager, I had already had a serious problem in my blood clotting but somehow this had not followed my doctor records. Finally, a specialist from Fresno was consulted who came to Reedley to perform an emergency hysterectomy. By this time so much blood had been lost that the head nurse could not even get my pulse. I can remember an experience in which it seemed there was a tunnel in front of me, long and dark but at the other end I saw Roger waiting for me. How I longed to walk through that tunnel!

Although times are fuzzy, I remember that when Wayne and Alma, my sister, came to visit me at this time and during one of my coming to times, Alma told me the good news that she was expecting her second child. I knew my prospects were pretty bad and I asked if they would raise Cindy for me. There were many tears. I was under the care of a special nurse for several days because of my condition and Helen, my Christian nurse house mate from Canada, filled some of those shifts.

Roger’s parents stayed on to take care of Cindy. Because of hospital rules of no contact with the outside world in the nursery, Cindy would have to stay in the nursery and I would be unable to see her until she was taken home. Grandma Hannah volunteered to take her home so she could bring her to visit me in my room!

The challenge for Grandma was greater than she had bargained for. Cindy was a colicky baby and she got very little sleep. I was too weak to be of any help in caring for her when she was visiting me. At two weeks the doctor finally told her to feed the baby some cereal and that seemed to satisfy our little cherub.

In the meantime, I finally got out of the hospital after couple weeks but I was still too weak to care for myself. The Regiers went home and I went to stay with Wayne and Alma for a month where Alma did the night feedings and I basically fed and burped the baby during the days. How much I appreciate family for all the love and care we got during that time.

Perhaps this would be the place to insert how Lowell Kliewer, a first cousin to Roger, had helped me with all my financial affairs but he also supervised during my hospital stay a painting group consisting of my Sunday School class to repaint every room in the house I had purchased with the insurance money I received. I’m not even sure who moved all my things from the Friesen Avenue house to my house on Washington Street. Various people came over the course of time to help pack things into cupboards and keep up my yard. This kind of love from God’s people have had a great influence on my involvement in working with people who are hurting.

While I was still in the hospital, I got a letter from Mrs. Herb Kagley who had lost her first husband when the children were young and had later married Herb. She now was bidding her daughter with her only grandchildren at this time goodbye to go as missionaries to Brazil. She asked if she could adopt my Cindy as a substitute grandchild. Although I had only met her briefly, I couldn’t possibly tum down such a wonderful offer. That relationship was to stay special all through the years. What a treasure house of wisdom and understanding she passed on to me. We would spend hours talking about God’s involvement in our status as widows. We would laugh and cry together and she was just a great substitute close by “mother” for me. God supplied my needs in so many various and wonderful ways!!

Finally we settled down to Helen, Cindy and myself and we began to function in a normal fashion—with one exception. Christ now had a central place in all our lives for we knew He had a special purpose to have seen us through such a time. I sold Tupperware and Mrs. Harry Goertzen, across the way from us, would baby-sit. Many times, Cindy was so tired she just fell asleep in her high chair when I fed her after a morning party. She was a strong-willed but a cheerful girl and brought much joy into my life. I remember wiping my dishwater hands one time and dancing a jig around the room with my fussy little toddler! This was a hard but good time for us.

In March just before Cindy was to turn two, Helen and I planned a birthday party inviting Helen’s aunt & uncle, Henry & Sue Enns, and Herb and Esther Kagley to celebrate with us. Pastor Friesen, the town match maker, asked to have me meet a bachelor my age OVER THE PHONE. He organized a conference call, introduced me to Don Harms and then hung up. I immediately invited Don to join us for the party. The first date he asked me out to was a trip to the zoo taking Cindy along with us. Was I ever impressed!

That June, Don and I were married and we became a family of three. Helen took care of Cindy for us while we went on a honeymoon for a week to the Los Angeles area. Helen always remained a very close friend—one who influenced me a lot in a personal time of fellowship with my Lord. She loved my children and was always so good to all of us. I’m sure it must have been very hard for her to watch all this take place while leaving her alone again.

In the fall of that year, we moved to a house in Dinuba that Don had built (and where his folks lived with him). Don’s folk had rented out their house and it became vacant so they moved back there. We are so naive when we’re young—it must have been very difficult for his mother to have to step down to an older home, again. They later built a new house in Kingsburg closer to Dad’s work so it finally worked out for the best.

It was hard for me to keep up the pace my personality wanted to function at. Twice I went to a doctor to find out what could be the problem but other than a minor thyroid problem, I was told that perhaps I needed to get a job. Thinking it must be emotional, I dug in my heels and tried that much harder—but I couldn’t understand why I would actually end up sick enough to have to go down for a day or two. It affected very much my ability to enjoy my children as my body ached and my mind just wouldn’t function as alertly as I wanted.

Cindy was our joy and sunshine. She loved her Daddy and wanted me to leave the house for her. She wanted to marry him and wanted this house just as it was. She made good friends with Rene Mendel who lived down about six houses and enjoyed preschool with her. Richard Stauffer lived across the street and they were always making mud pies, and doing all the things little kids love to do. The White girls lived around the comer from our house. Carolyn and Jill White were special friends. One of her favorite activities with her mother was to ring the doorbell with her dolly in hand and I would welcome “Mrs. Jones and her baby” into the house for some tea. She got practice in how to be a “mother” in those days and today she has become a wonderful “mother” to four children.